Archive for living together

5 Ways People Can Be Emotionally Unavailable

Posted in Book Reviews, Dating, Love Hate, Narcissist/Sociopath with tags , , , , , , on September 1, 2013 by sexandmiami

                                   feelings

                 One thing all emotionally unavailable people have in  common is their compulsive avoidance of intimacy while they are constantly searching  for an intimate relationship. Although some emotionally unavailable people can  be very clear and honest about their intentions and their history, a lot of them  are not. Pretty much all of them will give you mixed signals and confusing  messages.
Eggs in many baskets type- is so terrified of being in love and  loosing personal power, he chooses to be in several non-committal relationships  at the same time. These people literally view the idea of a monogamous  relationship as putting all their eggs in one basket. They often seem to have no  problems with their lifestyles justifying their behavior by saying “Well you  can’t have it all in one person” and they don’t really get involved with anyone.  They introduce their partners as friends as they don’t like using the word  girlfriend. They swear they are not the marrying kind, although they typically  do get married at least once in their lifetime. Many times the “eggs in many  baskets” type will actually terminate the relationship if they feel like they  are falling for the person. This compulsive behavior is usually a result of a  severe heartbreak and it is more typical for men than women.
Involved  with another type -is someone who is either physically or emotionally involved  with someone who doesn’t meet all their needs. As a result they become involved  with another to compensate for what they’re missing. This type of behavior is  typical for both men and women. An involved with another type doesn’t see  herself as being emotionally unavailable as she strongly believes that if the  man she is in love with only loved her back and given her everything she needed,  she wouldn’t be going around looking for love elsewhere.
The lurker type.-  A lurker will tell you that he loves dating and meeting new people and actually  mean it. This person is driven by the fear of letting their soul mate slip by  and is always on the lookout for that special someone, while never settling for  anyone in particular. Ironically, lurkers don’t have a slightest clue of what  they’re looking for, but they will consider any candidate that comes into the  picture, never ending that search for something that doesn’t exist. Sadly, many  times these people will actually lose the love of their lives and realize it  when it’s too late.
Serial monogamist- is similar to the lurker in a way  that he/she too searches for the ideal person as opposed to a real person.  Unlike lurkers, serial monogamists don’t like dating, most of them rush into a  relationship after the first week or two into their dating period, then stay in  it exclusively until the romantic “honey moon” stage is over. In their  relationships serial monogamists are more interested in how you make them feel  rather than you. When these people are looking for a relationship, they look for  someone who falls for them rather than someone they are falling for as being  adored by another is what turns them on and makes them feel secure. For them,  the idea of intimacy is the intense rush of hormones, romance and strong sexual  chemistry. For a short while they are blinded by hormones and seriously believe  that you are the only one for them. They will promise you the world, they will  tell you they love you with all their hearts and then leave you heartlessly when  the hormonal rush wares off only a few months later. These people are simply  incapable of dealing with the reality of a relationship, in many cases they  don’t even know the person they get into a relationship with.
The Avoidant- is  the most widespread emotionally unavailable type that sometimes can be hard to  pinpoint as there are so many different types of avoidants. An avoidant may get  into a relationship and stay there for many years, or stay away from all  personal relationships and dating altogether for long periods of time. They may  avoid all sexual contacts for months or even years, then go on a binge of one  night stands. Avoidants are typically introverted and in some extreme cases can  become antisocial. They are typically very honest and rarely cheat or play, yet  it is not uncommon for an avoidant to live a secret life no one knows about.  These people can be very damaging to themselves and the ones they get close  with. They avoid intimacy by building walls around themselves and energetically  pushing people away whenever they get too uncomfortable in a relationship. They  avoid conflicts and confrontations at all possible costs, ignoring the obvious  problems and red flags. Sometimes when confronted they can even become  aggressive and violent, though most avoidants are passive-aggressive. They often  use drugs, alcohol, pornography, video games, TV and many other addictions to  keep themselves cut out of the reality of their own lives and lives of those  they get involved with.
Nobody really falls into a stereotype one hundred  percent, and, of course, there is a degree of emotional unavailability.  Typically people become emotionally unavailable because of a heartbreak they had  to survive in their past. The good news is that every EU person can recover from  their destructive relationship patterns if he or she is willing to do so. But  that can only happen if they do it on their own.