A recent post from a friend and fellow blogger got me thinking about this topic. I remember when I started to feel anxiety in my last relationship. This was the 1st time I had opened up to someone completely and loved unconditionally. It was after the trust was broken with lies and deceit that I had my 1st panic attack. When the person that I put my trust and faith in betrayed me I felt scared and alone for the 1st time in my life, and it just got worse . My panic attacks continued for over a year after it ended.
I often wonder how will this affect me in my future relationships. Will I be able to trust again when I can’t even bring myself to date?
Until we bring awareness to our relationships, most of us live in love’s comfort zone — close enough to take the edge off loneliness, and distant enough to preserve our sense of being able to live without the other person. The tragedy is that many people who love each other are unable to express that love fully because they are unaware of how anxiety throttles and distorts their love. They feel, but not too deeply; they hold back, unable to make the final commitment. Yet those who protect themselves from the loss of love by blocking out love are already suffering from what they most dread. Forgoing love in the present out of anxiety about losing it in the future is a fool’s bargain.
At the extreme, unconscious anxiety can even turn love to hate. When one wants another and feels unworthy or unable to win their love, or fears being manipulated and hurt, anxiety can distort love into either hate or indifference. Hate is injured love, and it may be inflamed through anger into violence. Indifference is injured love retreating into numb withdrawal.
How can we respond to the anxiety that love provokes — to this deep dread of abandonment? The answer is not to love less, but to love more. Although the object of our love can be taken away, our ability to love can never be lost or taken from us. And if our ultimate love object includes the source of life itself, no one can ever take away the object of our love. The path to serenity is to love so much, so deeply and so unconditionally that we can never be without love. We can let the love of a spouse or a child or a parent expand far beyond our past self-imposed limits. We can let love become a reflex, a habit, an impulse that cannot be denied. Just as the answer to anxiety in general is not less anxiety, but greater and more meaningful anxiety, the answer to our anxiety about love is not less love but more love and greater love.
Anxiety is love’s limit, but not its enemy. Our anxiety guides us to the edge of our love. Our task is to keep changing anxiety into love — to have the courage to love passionately, universally and eternally. I believe if I keep practicing this and saying it over and over when I am ready the universe will grant me my best relationship ever.
I am reposting this post that I wrote last year. I think more women need to be made aware of PUA’s and what it is about. While most women are looking for romance and love this society is really about promoting the opposite I believe. It’s more about the hook-up and more of a polyamorous lifestyle then about love and monogamy. I would love to hear from dating site bloggers and my PUA’s on this post.
Thank you so much for this from my fellow blogger http://howtoonlinedate.wordpress.com . I feel so honored that people actually appreciate my rants . I am known to curse a lot…sometimes though I am working on it. I started this blog to vent originally about dating in Miami because trust me its like nowhere else I have ever witnessed before.. Howtodateonline nails it. There are the lazy sunnava bitches, The Bad Boy/douche bag , Soulful “artists” who cry when it rains and the Gorgeous Golddiggers. You know, the ones that tell you everything you want to hear as long as you pay for shit. My personal fav! Also to raise awareness of the narcissist sociopath. This guy will use you for everything you have. Let you believe you are soul-mates and then leave you with nothing in the blink of an eye without a drop of empathy. Wish I had known the signs years ago. Like Carrie from SEX IN THE CITY . I am still searching for my
Mr Big Aidan. Welcome to SexinMiami baby, Miami the land of house music, hot clubs and the fake. Where everyone wants something for nothing . Thanks again Angie. 🙂 So without further ado.
I would like to nominate the following blogs.
http://mshaiq.wordpress.com I love what this chick stands for!
http://ummyeahah.wordpress.com this girl has gumption!
http://untilyouresafeandsound.wordpress.com love her honesty!
http://yourdailydoseblog.com music, photography, and she sings awesome!
http://thewiseoneoncesaid.com/ A very awesome advice blog from a therapist. God knows we all need one!
Here are the rules should you choose to accept:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog
2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you
3. Copy & Paste the award to your blog
4. Nominate 5 blogs that you enjoy to receive the award who have less than 200 followers
5. Inform them of their nomination by leaving a comment on their blog
Thank you all for following my rants and also helping me overcome my heart-break by sharing my story and the things that have helped me
become my old self again.It has been cathartic for me to say the least . Thank you guys 🙂
A very wise post from a 16 year old poet/writer
Spiritual Insight from Eckhart Tolle’s Stillness Speaks
Sometimes things are said or done between two people and the rift is so great it seems impossible to repair. The person has hurt you so much that you just can’t bring yourself to forgive what they said or did.
Of such a situation Eckhart Tolle writes in Stillness Speaks:
If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace.
This isn’t an easy realization to arrive at. If you are having difficulty forgiving someone, then The Presence Process may be invaluable to you. In The Presence Process, Michael Brown addresses our anger at being hurt, which is based in the sense that others ought to have acted differently toward us, not hurting us as they did. He says of our refusal to forgive:
Does our arrogance lead us to assume they should behave differently—that they should know better, even though we realize the impact of emotional imprinting on human behavior? Did we do any better?
It’s useful to bring into our awareness those we feel are unforgivable, so that we may examine the felt-resonance that arises when we picture these individuals and allow ourselves to feel this felt-resonance without condition.
These people are the focus of our unintegrated child’s revenge. They are the victims of our arrogance. These people are also the individuals who are assisting us in unlocking our peace of mind. Until we integrate the emotional signature that arises when we bring them into our awareness, we remain imprisoned by unintegrated emotional discomfort and its consequential mental confusion and physical reactivity.
Our ongoing anger toward them is our lack of clarity. It’s the cause of our lack of awareness of the peace already given. By not allowing ourselves to integrate these uncomfortable resonances, an aspect of our felt-perception remains sedated and controlled—and therefore unavailable to feel the peace in which we are always immersed.
There is no awareness of peace without authentic forgiveness, and there is no authentic forgiveness until we integrate the resonance that arises in us when we place our attention on those who still anger us.
Michael’s understanding of why we find it hard to forgive is worth dwelling on. Take some time to sit with it, seeing how it speaks to your own situation with regard to those you have hard feelings toward.
Forgiveness isn’t really about the other person, it’s about us. To the degree we realize how deeply we have been emotionally imprinted, we will realize that others have also been imprinted in similar ways. They can’t help themselves any more than we have been able to help ourselves, until now when we at last are ready to engage in emotional integration.
By forgiving ourselves, we automatically forgive others. When we can’t forgive, it’s because we haven’t yet truly owned our own emotional imprinting and come to a place of peace with ourselves. This is why The Presence Process is simply one of the most powerful resources available to us in our journey into a more conscious way of living.
For me this is a learning process. This is a matter of coming to terms with everything and just letting it go. There are many factors why this is so difficult for me to do. Right now I can’t, maybe in time I will be able too. A wise person once said to me, it’s not up to you to forgive that is up to God.
Very moving post from a fellow blogger