How do you completely get over someone you love when they never TRULY loved you….
First realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If someone is not interested in you it is in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve.
Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!
In my case, I know I deserve better. I tell myself “He isn’t worth my love, he’s a liar and a sociopath and lying is all he knows how to do so I guess that’s that.”
It’s not about getting over a person, it’s about feeling good about yourself. It’s about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn’t feel the same way, it doesn’t really matter.
Tough circumstance – being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It’s not a problem – you can fix those, this is almost like “it’s raining outside” – just have to deal. Objective advice: If someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do – walk off. Don’t even give them the privilege of friendship because you’ll suck yourself back into the delusion. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don’t do what I have done..
Itis strange when you are hurting from rejection, to hear someone say move on things will be fine. No matter how much you love him, he never loves you back. For all those wondering what went wrong Just stop wondering say it really loud “HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”. Only when one stops chasing and pursing someone who doesn’t love you, will you open the door to that perfect person who will love you back with the same intensity that you will love him.
If you believe in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
Theolder I get, the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love – like me – and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of commitment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever? A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish)? It is an absolute rock and a hard place. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is the most impossible situation imaginable, especially when the love is so strong you are a slave to it.
Iwent through this . For those of you whose situation is similar, this is what I suggest: Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you – and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don’t tell yourself, maybe someday… they’ll change… True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don’t love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you’ll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.
Try not to be in contact, its almost like an addiction. You think that one little text will do no harm but the pain when he doesn’t reply will just make things worse. That would be my advice.
There is one more thing I can recommend. There are times when you feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may have just hurt you again, you don’t know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I’ve been able to get by these weak moments by writing down exactly what I’m feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don’t feel to call the person anymore. For everyone out there, keep strong and keep your head up, there are better days ahead.
Tough one. If we know for a fact there is no hope for a mutual love, then why torture yourself. Move on. Treat it like a divorce. FORCE yourself to live and keep meeting people. You owe it to yourself to be available for when the right person does come along. Love is like a bus stop, there’s always going to be another opportunity for the bus to stop again — if we are ready for it at the bus stop. Sometimes we don’t ever think we could possibly find someone better than that one we are in love with that doesn’t return the love back, but that’s not true. We just won’t be ready to find it if we are pining for a love that is not healthy or returned. We owe it to ourselves to always know we deserve what’s best and healthy.
Weall have had heartaches that hurt bad and SUCK! A broken heart is never fun. Life goes on. We have to as well. We owe it to ourselves to know we simply go on. We will meet another person but we shouldn’t while we are hurting. We’ll often end up not being as clear headed. We want someone to love us and to feel wanted, but that’s a potential for another mess. Or, you could end up hurting someone they way you were hurt. When your heart is mended, you’ll know. Every single day we get just a tiny bit better. Ok, maybe not every day, but if we can just make it from one day to the next and keep doing it, pretty soon we will feel better, if only a little, but that’s a start to total healing.
You accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically and do it for yourself no man. Once you do that, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as a beautiful women that has so much to offer the right man. But to be able to get over lost love you have to be able to forgive yourself, whether it was your fault or not for the break up. You also must make a conscious effort to get him out of your life. Keeping him as a friend will bring only more pain, this is from experience.
Lethim go, delete his name off your cell phone off your email, put the pictures away. It is your choice to be miserable about the situation, which for the first few months everyone chooses to be sad. I chose to be sad for over a year when the man I loved told me he no longer loved me. But you can also make the choice to be happy, but only you can do that. You have one life why sit there and waste it on a man who can’t see all facets of your beauty. You have one life to be happy, love yourself, forgive yourself and you will see that love will radiate and men will be attracted to that. Good men will be attracted to your positive self worth. And that positive self worth gets rid of all the baggage from past relationships that ruin current ones. But this is a choice, a conscious choice to leave the past and be happy and only you can make it. Know it wont be easy, but in the end you will have the love you have always desired. http://youtu.be/Nx1ykBc3XUQ
This has been a timely post for me. I have been going through all this AGAIN in the past few weeks. I’ve been able to handle these emotions better BUT needed someone to write down in words what I already knew (I was about to read through my own blog as I have written down similar things as you have)…It’s good to have a reminder…God Bless and thanks for the wonderful post.
You are so right! Rime really does heal and that time is different for all of us. Believe you are worth it and do not settle for less then you deserve. I really love your blog and your sarcasm. Great stuff 🙂
Beautifully expressed…I came across http://www.sociopathworld.com and thought of you. It has some provocative posts that you may find healing…you are well over it I believe and on your way to absolute freedom of that past situation. At any rate, know you are being thought about with kind regards..from you Red Moon! take care of yourself, love who you are.
What a beautiful coincidence to stumble upon your site after asking the question-how do you get over someone who you love (deeply) who doesn’t love you back. I felt silly to have to google the question, but now less silly to know I am not alone and I have the ability to still love, heal and move on and forgive. Thank you
It must get better! So much energy wasted! You mentioned lying and socio-pathic behaviour in your experience and I am experiencing the same…(no remorse or empathy for any pain caused-and lies wow!!); for some reason I find that my healing is taking longer because I feel foolish. Any tips to plow through disregarded emotions and self-blame?
Greetings dear, ahh very well crafted! You have come such a long long way! Resets blushing your roots. Incredible progress really. In summation those who have been there, I like for the notion of the grief of the loss over the fantasy. Who we might have been with, who we wished that person was… In love with an illusion. The fact of a person not loving you is all to do with that other person period. Trying to be enough for that ignorant person of the past… Need I say more. Just the mere fact of you sharing and pillaging through your emotional experience alone (to me, a polished professional, if I may) says it all that you are and have been an incredibly LOVABLE human being, And deserve a Distinguished man.
Oh I am THRILLED for you! You see how it is so, we can’t pull a butterfly from its cocoon, it must struggle and find its own. The confident beauty that emerges leaves me speechless. Look back at all you’ve done! You will forever have this experience and all the terrific writing! Take special care of your lovely self! ~Always your, Red Moon~
Thank you, and I am forever grateful for your kind wisdom
You are most certainly welcome! As you and your former situation had greatly inspired me! Thank YOU! More interesting posts to come! Let me know if you have any questions, or shall I say “categories of interest” that you’d like discussed further.
Thank you for the referral! You’ve been on my mind often. As I always look forward to seeing your progress. I have been deep in research again about to post another soon. Been reading several books, but “The Wisdom of the psychopaths” is quite compelling and once again reaffirms the mind set. Ironically the cover has a similar owl like thewiseoneoncesaid.com 🙂
As I read this, I began to think of myself. In my mind I still think about that person who hurt me deeplu than he’ll ever fathom or even realize. I have days… Or nights where I get emotional about him and our situation (or lack there of he would say ) because I would think so deep analyze every situation leading up to our “breakup”. I find myself thinking less close to not at all, if I am either working or with family.
I feel 50% over it and 50% deeply hurt over.an unrequited love
Also I have a blog on google. I would like to know, how can I popularize my blog. Have others see it and comment.
I enjoy writing and want to share advice and funny stories with the world.
Any pointers or constructive criticism would really help
i came up on this when i asked yahoo how to get over someone. he has been lying to me going to dating sites then telling me im crazy. he keeps his phone locked and when he gives me the code hes changing it agian. then there was a time whem he didnt come home.and when he did get home he told me he went to play music with a friend at work and they didnt have a phone. which was a lie because i let him go to sleep and then got in his phone and found a womens number so i called her and she said they stayed up all night talking and she didnt know about me until he was on his way to her house. ive found email nnd he trys telling me she must have solen his password and email address im not a stupid women i know that hes a pig. can he just not know how to love someone or be so messed up from his mother? they do not have a good relationship. im trying to get out of the house becuase we live together but my income is making it hard im trying to find a second job becasue i dont know how much more of the head games i can take. help me plz… am i going to make it until i get the money to move out of here?
First of all, I want to say Thank You….so much. You do not even understand how helpful this post has been. I came upon your sight the same way as Tracy…googled “How to get over someone”. (It’s that bad, lol). Recently, someone I cared about very deeply pretty much moved on without telling me… he didn’t say anything, I just noticed his behaviour changed drastically. It’s fair enough because we were never an item, but still. It hurt. Since then…something’s happened where…I keep blaming myself. Because, the thing is, I know WHY his behaviour changed. Let’s just say….intimacy issues, lol. Which WAS my fault. So I keep blaming myself. Because, the way I see it, it kind of was. If only I had done this…been less that. You see? My friends keep telling me it’s not my fault, “no one should leave you because of that.” and “even if it had worked out, he’d still be an asshole (this bit is mostly because I never trusted him)”. You say, “Know you’re worth it” “There’s nothing wrong with you” But how? How do you convince yourself that you are worth it? How do you feel good about yourself when your pride is hurt? When you don’t know what think about yourself anymore? When you’re not even sure how to define yourself anymore because of how they defined you.
I’m trying to give my best until the end by exerting too much effort into something that I know, won’t ever bear anything in the end. I never tried to push things this much so I’m doing my best even though I really look stupid for exerting effort for somebody who won’t ever look at my way. But, again I thought.. does it matter if this person likes me back? what’s important here is..
I LIKE HIM, I LOVE HIM.
it’s what I feel.
so, I made a contract with myself, If I still feel the same way after 2 years and yet this doesn’t work yet. It’s time to move on.
If they say “Life is too short to wait.”
I think Life is too short to give up into something I really want.
but, then again. I can’t be this terrible to myself.
so, I’m counting my days. How long can I last?
I’m doing my best.
that’s all that matters now.
so, when time comes.
I won’t feel regretful that I never even tried hard.
“I did everything I could.”
as much as I want to show this person how far I can go,
that I don’t easily give up. In spite the fact that I feel like shit for doing this. I also want to prove something to myself and know more about what kind of a person I am.
who deserves me and If I deserve this.
sorry for the long post 🙂 btw, I enjoyed what I’ve read. This is very strong. But again, it’s really hard to disengage. Thank you.
I am guessing you have notdated this person yet.
Maybe you should try and let them how you feel then at least you know where you stand. And if they do not feel the same then you can say that at least you tired. 😉
Thanks for putting this up here. I’ve just come out of a relationship that last three years. We parted amicably but, more on her issues than mine. I would have loved to give it another go but, she just isn’t interested. I feel so lost and hurt. Can’t stop thinking about her every day. When Ever i feel down I always look at this advice to try and make the situation have sense and to give me hope and a reality check.
Thank you so much for this, it helped me as a male who’s going through this. It really hurts and it’s upsetting but as the fog in my head clears I realise it wasn’t actually there in the first place. She wants to stay friends and she’s an awesome friend but I’m confused what to do though.
Hey Bob I’m going through the exact same thing and a part of me wants to walk away and close the door the other part is having a tough time with it. I’m too old to be doing this again and I didn’t think I would fall in love with some one again but it happened we are in contact a lot and she tells me she LUV s me and miss spelling the word should be a clue that it is not LOVE
My previous experience has taught me to disapear this is different as she has been a good friend I should but won’t and as long as I can some how put this in proper order I think I can. It was not meant to be and I will always love her but it she will not love me that way. I was not looking for it when it happened and I am not now but this feeling will fade and I will not let it destroy me. Not many people would say this but I’m not about to end a friendship because of my own school boy stuff. I just won’t be as available as I was . It’s the best I have right now as this person contacts me everyday and sends her love yet she just got into a new relationship so I have to face that. I am stronger than I appear and can handle this because I know it won’t happen and I am at least very happy for her and very happy for him as she is great and he needed her more than I did. If I can’t be with her I am happy that he is as he needed to be happy>
I don’t know what to do, everything was so perfect. Then it changed over one weekend, now she asks me advice on how to get this guy, she tells me everything on what they do… But still she says she loves me. It’s just hard to move on from someone who was so perfect.
I’m sorry, Im so damn in love with this friend of mine (a gal) and she does not love me back other than as a friend. I feel someday she will see that no one else will love her like i do and she will love me back too. But i dont know how far is that someday. Is it wrong to keep my self secured for her to come to me ???
We are told to accept life on life’s terms. Life’s terms (circumstances) are created by the decisions “people” make….and nature. Love is a part of this….true love. (that’s another post). All of the advice mentioned makes perfect sense…from a cognitive perspective. true love is not cognitive. What we decide to do and say based on that true love…is. Very simply…the heart compells the mind…then the body….if you’re not affraid to let it. Fear…another post. It is better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all. I’ve loved and lost due to extraordinary circumstances. I have hope that I will feel as happy and content as I once had….it just hasn’t happened yet….I’m glad I still love her….she is still that special someone for me. She didn’t replace someone else from my past. I’m living within my destiny…not trying to predict the future….Take care everyone…Frank T
I really do understand ,which is why I wrote the article to help people overcome the grief. Acceptance is the 1st step in healing and moving forward. thank you for reading and for your comment its very much appreciated..
Thank you. This was exactly what I needed to read today…so much so that I’ve copied your text into a format I can easily read on my phone any time I need to see it again. I’ve recently accepted that the guy I’ve loved for 6 years and moved to another city for will never love me in the same way. Up until 3 days ago, I always secretly had hope somehow we could make it work again. There had always been so many on-again/ off-agains. This time, I know it’s over. Thank you for writing exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you for your comment. One thing I can tell you is that time really does help as cliche as it sounds. The pain will be less and less every day and one day it will not hurt anymore. While you may always love that person the pain will be gone. much love 😉
Ihave really appreciated your page and realised that the people wet love more and carefor do not love back ihv been with this guy for 4years but we have been on and off because of his cheating habbit bt now its more ihave to let it go he uses me to satisfy his selfish ideas thanks iam strong now irather keep lonely
This is what I was meant to see! You are so great, thank you so much for posting this one. You didn’t even know how much this one could help me. Because I was really in love with this guy for almost 3 years and I think we’ve had this Mutual Understanding but suddenly things changed. I told myself so many times that I will move on from him. I was so determined but after a few days there will be a time when I miss him so much, I want to see him, talk with him. I can’t control myself so I will text him but I won’t get a reply so I will feel disappointed. It happened so many times. But, I still like him. And there comes a time when I think I’m the problem because I keep on hoping and believing that he is really the one for me. Mam, you see my problem is I can’t control myself whenever I miss him. What should I do? Thank you very much. God Bless us! 🙂 ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my blog.
All you can do is be STRONG! Time is your friend and no contact really does work as it helps to have the time to think and see things more clearly.
Stay positive and love yourself first. 🙂
Thank you for this post. I know it was awhile ago…. but I’m so grateful to have come across this. Just yesterday the man I had to spend my future with told me that he did not feel the same way for me anymore. I felt like my world had ended, but after reading this it has given me hope. I still feel sad, but I am hopeful that I will get through this. I will pray for strength and guidance each day.
I made the mistake of texting him back… but I won’t make that mistake anymore. Thank you for giving me better clarity. I know it will be hard but I am willing to get through the storm. God Bless 🙂
I can’t tell you how much I needed this right now. I have just got out of a relationship just like this and it is so hard even though he is so toxic for me and I know this deep down. I loved every word you said and it is all so true. I do need to love myself more than I love him and be open for someone to come in and love me and treat me the way I should be treated. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this.
Good. Comment I’m going through a bad moment at the moment. I loved a married man younger than me. But lve got depression now. I feel bad to have seen him. He was a little cheat who said i was his lover I believed it and planned a future with him . I’ve been through this before years ago. But this. Guy was not married. I know its hard but I hope I will feel better soon.