Where is the Love…

Lately I have asked myself this very question. Where is the love?  It seems we have all become so desensitized to commitment. So what about love? In today’s society love can be found by the second just by logging on and swiping right . How are we supposed to meet and build a relationship when most people are looking for their love in all the wrong places.  Even when you do meet someone chances are they’re on the phone while you are together swiping left or right.

With dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Her, ect. There’s no shame, just a steady stream of swipes. It has become more of a looking event; that is just looking at pictures more then actually meeting people the old-fashioned way.  Even when you do meet someone organically chances are they’re on their phone while you are together swiping left or right . Dating apps offer convenience and we have become a convenience driving society. With sites like sitchfix.com we can’t even pick our own clothes anymore, there’s a site for that too. But for most of us who have become sick of dickpics and first dates that go nowhere. We crave chemistry. That feeling of butterflies that you can only get by meeting someone IRL.

I have noticed that most of my friends and myself included have the most success by meeting people the old-fashioned way. IRL through friends or co-workers or god-forbid our parents or family. If you have swiped left or right enough to get carpal tunnel maybe its time to try the good old fashioned way.

Get introduced, go on that blind date that your friend has been trying to set up for you. While there is no wrong way to meet someone maybe going back to the good old fashioned way of IRL meetings isn’t such a bad idea. We have become such an app driven society that even meeting people in everyday life has become a convenience. So next time you find yourself in that shared Uber strike up a conversation. What do you have to lose? It can’t be worse than an app, and you never know, you may end up actually meeting someone you can have a real life conversion with and maybe something more you just have to be open .

 

And there he was……

So you were heart-broken you had sworn off love for the rest of your life . Turned down every offer that came your way so many times that after awhile it just became the norm.

You think about it sometimes, could you do it again? Would you have it in you to give so much of yourself again with the risk of being hurt again.  The easier option is to just focus on yourself and swear off

relationships. And this is a good thing to do. As time really does help to heal the wounds of the past. That time is different for all of us but, the quicker we accept that it is over the quicker we can heal.

This is exactly what I did for a long time after going through a very bad heart-break and break-up. I just hung on to my sad story and told it over and over again to anyone who would listen to me.

I thought about it in my head, what happened, what went wrong how blind I was. I went through the grief of being so stupid how did I not see all these things was I under a spell?

I will be sure that doesn’t happen to me EVER, EVER again. So you swear off love, touch, romance of any sort. This is your defense mechanism. This way no one can ever make you feel that kind of pain again.

But eventually we are human and we all need human contact. It’s human nature. One day when you are not looking for it….Yes that is the way it always happens. You will meet someone it’s inevitable and if you are open to love…

It can be even better then it was before. Take what you have learned and use that to make sure you do not repeat the same mistakes . Be trusting with your love do not make them pay for things that your past love may have done. Have patience and don’t try to rush things too quickly to get to the stage you were at with your previous relationship. It wont happen until you have healed fully and believe in yourself .

Have confidence in yourself and believe that you deserve to have the very best. And one day you will turn around and there he or she will be 🙂

I aint sayin he’s a gold digger…..or am I

Since the beginning of time there have always been some form of younger men preying on older women. I believe back in my younger days they used to call them gigolos now players. Well, recently since the term “Cougar” has come along (if you are over 30 it seems), the emphasis seems to be on the older woman that is prowling around for the younger man, rather than the younger man who may be trying to deceive and take advantage of the older woman. So, how does an older woman tell the difference? Let’s take a look.

First let me start out by saying, only an older woman who is sure of her self, and has a well intact self-esteem should be the only women attempting to date a younger man. This is the first step in her avoiding being taken advantage of.  Believe it or not it can be a curse when you look 15 years younger than you are because guess what you attract? You guessed it. If a women is confident and self-assured her eyes will be wide open, and she will see things clearly. This will help her separate the honest younger man who really does enjoy and want an older woman, and the one who is there for a free meal ticket.

Another important step would be to find out as much information about the younger man as possible. If he has had a lot of brief, and unsuccessful relationships with older women or any women in general, he probably isn’t a good bet. He probably quickly took what he could, and ran not walked to the nearest exit.

If the younger man seems to always be out of money, or conveniently forgetting his wallet a lot when you go out, chances are you are a meal ticket, and a meal ticket only. If he seems to hint around a lot about things he needs, along with a pathetic look of. poor me, I just can’t afford it, well you get the idea. I bet if you wait long enough his pretense of not wanting to take advantage will go right out the window. Down the road he will be more than happy to accept anything you bring his way.

If he seems to be a little bit too willing to do everything you want. In a real relationship partner’s give and take, if he is acting more like a puppy that rolls over and plays dead when you ask him, he’s probably not being honest about why he is with you. He is probably just trying to please you so he can stay around long enough to get as much as possible out of you while he can.

If there is a really big difference in your ages, a woman should start to wonder what’s up. He is either in the need for a mother, or hoping you’re going to kick the bucket before he’s to old to enjoy, your money. It’s only in rare cases that when there’s a huge age difference that the two individuals are soul mates who were just born in the wrong time. Often these couples will stay together.

When John Travolta was 23 he was very much in love with a women who was 18 years older than him . She died suddenly of cancer and he was left devastated for years and has talked of her many times, read it here http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20068072,00.html this is an example of that kind of love.

Last but not least, which is the clincher for older women, is that he is too romantic. I know you think no man could ever be to romantic, however, there’s a difference between romancing your sweetheart and drowning her false gestures. A younger man is very well aware that older women especially, like to be romanced. So, in order for him to get in your good graces and distract you from what he’s really there for, he may be so romantic, you can’t see straight. That’s exactly what he wants. He is also aware that romance is like a drug, if he gives you enough of it, you may never want to give it or him up. Ergo an older woman finds herself with a live-in Valentino she can support until the day she dies.

In the end it’s up to the older woman to keep her head, and guard her heart, so when and if that younger man comes along, she  can make a clear, and healthy decision on whether that younger man she is attracted to, is there for her, or just what she can give him! If you lose your high paying job or God-forbid get an illness even a minor one, and he is gone like the wind, well then I guess you got your answer girly!

Cheating Is a Choice Not a Mistake…

Relationships are difficult enough to get over without the complication of cheating thrown into the mix. This added element adds more confusion and doubts as you get over the relationship. Below are some tips on how to get over a cheating boyfriend.

Tips to Get Over Your Cheating Boyfriend

Dump Him (if you haven’t already)

A guy who cheats is someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. No matter how much he may claim he does, remember actions speak louder than words. If after dumping him you want to give him a chance to prove he deserves you go ahead, but don’t stay in the relationship as he works to show he is worth your time.

You are Not Responsible for His Actions

Often times cheaters will try to convince you that it is your fault they strayed. It’s not. They’ll try and make you think that if only you had done this, that and another that they wouldn’t be tempted to cheat. No matter what you may have done or not done you didn’t make them cheat.

Change His Name in Your Cell

When you get lonely or drunk you might find yourself tempted to call him. Don’t. To help you resist this, change his name (and maybe contact photo) to something like ‘asshole’ or ‘dickhead.’ Don’t delete his number all together that way you’ll be able to screen any calls from him. If he has something worth listening to he can leave a voicemail.

Invest in Yourself

Resist falling on the self pity wagon. Instead, spend some time making yourself feel great. Go to the gym. Spend some extra time on your hobbies. Take excessively long bubble baths with a glass of wine and a good book. Hang out with your girlfriends (who you’ve probably been neglecting a bit). Do everything you enjoy that you never had enough time for as a couple.

Remember the Bad Things

After any breakup it is easy to find yourself looking back on the relationship with rose colored glasses. Prevent this by making a list of your cheating (ex)boyfriend’s good and bad qualities. Once you are finished rip off the good side and burn or recycle it. Hang the bad list somewhere you’ll see it often, perhaps on your bathroom mirror, so you will be reminded of those negative qualities when you get lonely and start thinking he wasn’t all that bad. You deserve great, not mediocre.

Listen to Some Empowering Songs

Make a breakup recovery music mix. Include songs like  “Katy Perry Wide Awake,“ Jason Durolo Rollin Solo” and others along those same lines. Listen to this mix often and loud. Sing along at the top of your lungs and you’ll feel better every time you do.

Go Out Dancing

Grab your girlfriends and go out dancing! Ignore the boys, because the night is about just having fun. If you don’t like club dancing, try a salsa or swing club. Most have a beginner’s lesson (often complimentary) before the night begins. Plus, experienced dancers are always happy to help a beginner join in the fun.

Things You May Want to do, But Really Shouldn’t

• Ruin his car like in “Before he cheats” by Carrie Underwood.
• Throw all his things in a giant bonfire
• Take out an ad in your local paper giving his name and saying he has several STDs and/or is just plain terrible in bed
• Send awkward free informational pamphlets to his work everyday

Any of these things, or others along the same thought, are momentarily satisfactory, but will result in you sinking to his level, which is way beneath you. Be the bigger person and move on. He’s not worth your time.

Here are some signs of a  cheater:

While on the phone with a friend, they giggle/laugh and say, “You’re so crazy” frequently. Usually, after such conversation, suddenly have to run to the corner store to grab something completely unnecessary.

• They have cheated on everyone in their past, yet insist that they are not cheating on you.

• They tell you every detail of every single phone conversation they just had. Ex: “That was such-and-such. They were just calling to say hi, etc….”

• Every single contact on their phone that ISN’T family is of the same gender they are. (Yes they will change the girls name to a guys name)

• Their recent calls/messages/emails are always empty, yet they remain super busy, and when you ask about ignored calls/texts they constantly say “I never got it.” This occurring every so often isn’t bad, but every day, a few times a day is a little sketchy.

• When getting a call/text at odd hours, usually from one of those same-gendered friends mentioned above, they say, “It’s just a friend from around the way/back home” and home is 3 hours ahead.

• They get angry and defensive when the subject of trust comes up, even if it’s not in reference to your relationship. It usually looks a little like this: “That’s BS. You should just trust someone. If you don’t trust them completely, then you should just leave!” There are other variations, too.

• Their phone and computer are top-secret, FBI protected and absolutely untouchable. Touching either of them is punishable by being struck down by the wrath of God.

• The money is funny. It’s either missing, or isn’t matching up with what they’re saying.  For example, saying they’re working all these extra hours BUT have no extra money.

• When out in public, they suddenly refuse to hold your hand or act in any way like a couple.

• They become very particular about their appearance, changing their wardrobe, cologne/perfume, etc. ( this is another big one)

• When arriving home, they simply say “Hello” and head straight to take a shower without a hug or kiss.

Chances are if you are suspicious to begin with, it means one of two things: You have SERIOUS trust issues, or they probably are cheating.

Katy Perry’s Wide Awake….The Meaning Behind The Song…..

I usually don’t do song reference post . But for anyone who as been with a sociopath this song cuts to the core.

When you are with a sociopath the beginning can be like floating on cloud 9. What comes later is like falling into hell.

Below quoted from Google.com

She was in the grip of sociopathic liar who made her feel loved but never loved her at all
and now she knows what he is and God knows what she went through. That is what this
 song is about. Been there done that. When you realize you have been in a relationship with such a creature it is like waking up on the “Concrete”.

Meaning, Main Idea, and Message of The Song

“Love is blind,” that’s what an old aphorism says. The saying means that when people fall in love they cannot see something or someone objectively. With love in mind, people can see something which is just good as perfect. Influenced by love, people will see someone who is not so beautiful as the prettiest person in the world.
Not only in terms of physical appearance, the aphorism also applies in terms of attitudes. The most obvious example is how people adore celebrities. Of course those celebrities, either singers or actresses or actors, have dark sides. But, as you can see, people seem not to care about celebrities’ dark sides. They adore them as if they are perfect. However often those celebrities are reported to behave inappropriately, people’s admiration to them seems not to subside. It happens because people love them. And love is blind.
Well, this Katy Perry’s Wide Awake song seems to tell about similar phenomenon. The phrase ‘Wide awake’ in the song represents the situation after a girl is free from blind love she previously had to her boy. In other words, when she fell in love with the boy, she felt like she was dreaming or blind. Everything seemed to be so sweet. And now she is awake, wide awake. She is not dreaming anymore. Yes, everything doesn’t look beautiful as it was. Situation is not as comfortable as it was. She realizes she was with a sociopath who lied and felt no emotion, and it hurts badly to know that everything was beautiful just because she was dreaming. Worse, she had dreamed for so long. Waste of time. But, the most important thing is that she is awake and trying to hold on and to see the bright side of everything she has been through.

What Katy shows us with this song, if you get the meaning, is that sociopaths walk among us. There are famous ones too. But also that the pain of experiencing a relationship with one hurts all the same, and is life changing . Money and fame can’t even take away the pain. When it hits you it’s kind of like falling from a cloud and hitting the concrete.

WIDE AWAKE- Katy Perry

I’m wide awake (x3) Yeah, I was in the dark I was falling hard With an open heart I’m wide awake How did I read the stars so wrong
I’m wide awake And now it’s clear to me That everything you see Ain’t always what it seems I’m wide awake Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
(Pre-Chorus) I wish I knew then What I know now Wouldn’t dive in Wouldn’t bow down Gravity hurts You made it so sweet Till I woke up on On the concrete
(Chorus)
 Falling from cloud nine Crashing from the high I’m letting go tonight (Yeah I’m) Falling from cloud 9 .  I’m wide awake Not losing any sleep I picked up every piece And landed on my feet I’m wide awake Need nothing to complete myself – nooohooo
I’m wide awake Yeah, I am born again Outta the lion’s den I don’t have to pretend And it’s too late The story’s over now, the end
(Pre-Chorus) I wish I knew then What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in Wouldn’t bow down Gravity hurts You made it so sweet Till I woke up on On the concrete
(Chorus) Falling from cloud nine Crashing from the high I’m letting go tonight I’m Falling from cloud 9
Thunder rumbling Castles crumbling I am trying to hold on God knows that I tried Seeing the bright side I’m not blind anymore
(Chorus) Falling from cloud nine Crashing from the high (Ya’ know) I’m letting go tonight I’m falling from cloud 9
 I’m wide awake (x5)

Why I didn’t dump him first…and what you could learn from me.

There were many times I wanted to break-up with my ex. I almost feel like I waited for him to do it, because I didn’t have it in me to hurt him. From his woe-is-me stories, he had been bullied in school his whole life. He never had any friends and he did not have a mom growing up, and his dad never showed him much love. I was all he had and he told me everyday. Can you say RED FLAG. Why I didn’t run as fast as I can still amazes me. Yes my head said RUN, but my heart said take care of him, help him he needs you.

This is a top 10 list of warning signs that were there, but that I chose to overlook for some reason I can’t even explain. When I think of these things, I should have ran as fast as I can and never looked back.

#1 THE SEX SUCKED! nuff said! When you want to experiment sexually with your guy and he says “baby that’s what sluts do” about anything sexual RUN and RUN fast. No man in love or otherwise will turn down any suggestion you have for sex trust me.

#2 When he has no friends BIG RED FLAG because then you are suppose to have no friends either….duh RUN.

#3 When you go to get your tire changed and they discover a GPS device under your car. “Baby I put that there in case the car gets robbed” umm ok what are you Lojack! RUN

#4 He latches on to you like a tick on a labrador. When the guy can’t be without you it’s a RED FLAG, you may think its sweet at first, but trust me you will feel suffocated eventually.

#5 When he does not like your friends and he tolerates your family RUN as fast as you can.

#6 If he checks himself out in the mirror more than you RUN girl RUN.

#7 If he compares you to anybody. As in you can’t expect me to be as attracted to you as______Fill In the blank. Umm…yeah I can we do live together.RUN RUN RUN. After this one he threw himself on the floor and begged me not to leave him insisting that was not what he said!!

#8 He lets you pay his bills for him because he lost his job and seems to be fine with your offer to do so. It’s great to be able to afford to help the person you care about, but if they seem too comfortable like it was expected, RUN girl RUN.

#9 He thinks he is better looking and smarter than everybody else. Seriously you need to wake up and just RUN fast! When a man is conceded it is such a turnoff . It’s fine to joke around or to be confident, but when they really think they are the shizz, RUN girl RUN.

#10 If you find your guy flirting online at all GRAB HIS SHIT AND THROW IS ASS OUT THE DOOR, and then RUN!! When this happened he literally slept outside the door to prove how much he loved me. He begged me not leave him and stated I am not signing the divorce papers!… umm we only live together.

There were so many RED FLAGS these are just my top 10. At the end of the day I couldn’t break his heart, so I let him break mine instead.

The best part of all of this is anyone after him, and I mean anyone has been better than him 🙂

Don’t ever let yourself be used…..

“Sometimes we want someone so badly that even though we know they are using us we can’t let them go. I can’t explain why”

Do you know what it feels like to be happy and sad at the same time? To be so in love with someone and at the same time know that they are not true, but you are so in love with them and just can’t bring yourself to leave them. So you stay and let them pretend they love you . Then when you are alone you cry in silence. You go out with your friends and you smile on the outside or you may drink too much hoping to numb the truth for a little while, knowing that you are going home to a lie. And every time he tells you how much he loves you the pain just stops your heart because you know deep down it’s all a lie.

If only you could accept the truth it will set you free.

You go through the motions everyday pretending to be a happy couple and in love . Only you know all along its only a lie. You cry yourself to sleep every night pretending to be  happy, because you have nowhere to go so your waiting for them to show their true self all the while hoping it will never happen, that if you can just be perfect he will really love you. Be perfect in every way shape and form. He doesn’t realize that you can see through him so he goes on pretending. You see, you have something he needs or wants and when he doesn’t need it anymore he will be gone and never look at you again . Because the user doesnt need YOU  he needs what you have.  You can be gone tomorrow and he wouldn’t give two shits. Its not about you. It’s about what he needs from you what he is using you for. It could be money or a car or a roof over his head or sex. So please don’t ever let this happen to you. Be smart about who you give your heart to…and who you trust with it.

Listen to your in inner voice it is there for you when you are blinded

The user is typically extremely charming or good-looking . Even if you are hot too, remember it’s not about you, it’s about what they can get from you. Do not ever give into lust over your gut feelings. If you feel it isn’t real it is because it isn’t . When the red flags are there do not just ignore them, because in the end what you will go through will be much more painful than you being with someone just because you want them and they need your possessions. They do not WANT you, they just need what you can do for them and what you can give to them.

You will become so disgusted by the lie eventually you will be repulsed by their presence

Be strong, value yourself, know that you ARE beautiful and deserve a real true love. Someone who will love you no matter what you can do for them . If you gain a few pounds if you don’t feel like wearing makeup and if you want to wear sweats everyday and a pony-tail and he still thinks you are beautiful. That will take care of you when are sick and not leave your side until you are well again mentally or physically. That is real love. When your world comes crumbling down. The person who is by your side picking up the pieces with you is the one who loves you. The one who leaves and wipes the crumbled pieces from his feet as he walks out, that is the person who just used you.

This is the moment when you realize everything you have thought about was true! All the times you told yourself is it in my head? You were right about everything. It was all a lie.

Love and Anxiety…

A recent post from a friend and fellow blogger got me thinking about this topic. I remember when I started to feel anxiety in my last relationship. This was the 1st time I had opened up to someone completely and loved unconditionally. It was after the trust was broken with lies and deceit that I had my 1st panic attack. When the person that I put my trust and faith in betrayed me I felt scared and alone for the 1st time in my life, and it just got worse . My panic attacks continued for over a year after it ended.
I often wonder how will this affect me in my future relationships. Will I be able to trust again when I can’t even bring myself to date?
Until we bring awareness to our relationships, most of us live in love’s comfort zone — close enough to take the edge off loneliness, and distant enough to preserve our sense of being able to live without the other person. The tragedy is that many people who love each other are unable to express that love fully because they are unaware of how anxiety throttles and distorts their love. They feel, but not too deeply; they hold back, unable to make the final commitment. Yet those who protect themselves from the loss of love by blocking out love are already suffering from what they most dread. Forgoing love in the present out of anxiety about losing it in the future is a fool’s bargain.

At the extreme, unconscious anxiety can even turn love to hate. When one wants another and feels unworthy or unable to win their love, or fears being manipulated and hurt, anxiety can distort love into either hate or indifference. Hate is injured love, and it may be inflamed through anger into violence. Indifference is injured love retreating into numb withdrawal.

How can we respond to the anxiety that love provokes — to this deep dread of abandonment? The answer is not to love less, but to love more. Although the object of our love can be taken away, our ability to love can never be lost or taken from us. And if our ultimate love object includes the source of life itself, no one can ever take away the object of our love. The path to serenity is to love so much, so deeply and so unconditionally that we can never be without love. We can let the love of a spouse or a child or a parent expand far beyond our past self-imposed limits. We can let love become a reflex, a habit, an impulse that cannot be denied. Just as the answer to anxiety in general is not less anxiety, but greater and more meaningful anxiety, the answer to our anxiety about love is not less love but more love and greater love.

Anxiety is love’s limit, but not its enemy. Our anxiety guides us to the edge of our love. Our task is to keep changing anxiety into love — to have the courage to love passionately, universally and eternally. I believe if I keep practicing this and saying it over and over when I am ready the universe will grant me my best relationship ever.

How Do You Love?

“In life you’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words
at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should
judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
Nicholas Sparks

One thing I can say about me is when I do fall in love with someone I do so with every ounce of my being. I love whole heartedly. I have only been in love 3 times in my life. The 1st being high school. The 2nd my ex-husband of 12 years and the 3rd was the last man I loved he was younger than me we lived together for 2 years.  With each love I noticed I loved more than the last . I don’t know if this is just a coincidence or if this is how love works. We learn more as we go along we give more of ourselves with each one emotionally and sexually . Maybe the last one was so intense because it was his 1st real relationship where he lived with a woman.

I thought he loved me so much, that we were so great together. We were inseparable . We played together and we did a lot of silly things with each other . We lived by the beach and would get cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and go sit in the lifeguard chairs at night on the beach and eat and look at the stars. Light fireworks for no reason just to see the pretty colors. Florida is cool like that you can buy fireworks all year long. We would turn our bed into a tent. We filled a walk-in closet with glow in the dark stars and would use it as our fort. lol to hang out and be close to each other. I thought we had such a strong connection, great chemistry. We were so playful together. Every time he came into the room I had butterflies every time he touched me. I never loved anyone that much before.  But none of that was real. It was all about him wanting, wanting me, a succesful older girl with a lot to offer. The way he loved me was overwhelming at times he was so intense so protective over me. I thought the jealousy was sweet sometimes. He became everything I wanted in a man ,so much that I would question if his feelings were true or an act. I think he did everything to please me so he could be part of my life and all that went along with it . However the universe knew how much I loved this man so it did what it does best. It tested the love and took away everything I had that was material. Funny thing happened, he told me he didn’t love me anymore and suddenly I was no longer “the one”. As quickly as he loved me was as quickly as he didn’t and I no longer existed to him. When I was about to need him the most he was gone.

I know all loves are different and that we learn lessons from each of them. The one thing I learned is you can’t bluff the universe .You can lie to yourself, but the universe will always make sure the truth is reveled.  So do you love for butterflies because I do.  Anything else is a waste of time.

So how do you love? Do you love for the right reasons?

Do you love for comfort?

Security?

For looks?

For money?

Or are you like me, do you love for that feeling the butterflies?

How do you completely get over someone you love when they never TRULY loved you….

• First realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If someone is not interested in you it is in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve.
• Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!
• In my case, I know I deserve better. I tell myself “He isn’t worth my love, he’s a liar and a sociopath and lying is all he knows how to do so I guess that’s that.”
• It’s not about getting over a person, it’s about feeling good about yourself. It’s about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn’t feel the same way, it doesn’t really matter.
• Tough circumstance – being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It’s not a problem – you can fix those, this is almost like “it’s raining outside” – just have to deal. Objective advice: If someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do – walk off. Don’t even give them the privilege of friendship because you’ll suck yourself back into the delusion. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don’t do what I have done..

• It is strange when you are hurting from rejection, to hear someone say move on things will be fine. No matter how much you love him, he never loves you back. For all those wondering what went wrong Just stop wondering say it really loud “HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU”. Only when one stops chasing and pursing someone who doesn’t love you, will you open the door to that perfect person who will love you back with the same intensity that you will love him.
• If you believe in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
• The older I get, the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love – like me – and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of commitment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever? A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish)? It is an absolute rock and a hard place. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is the most impossible situation imaginable, especially when the love is so strong you are a slave to it.
• I went through this . For those of you whose situation is similar, this is what I suggest: Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you – and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don’t tell yourself, maybe someday… they’ll change… True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don’t love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you’ll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.
• Try not to be in contact, its almost like an addiction. You think that one little text will do no harm but the pain when he doesn’t reply will just make things worse. That would be my advice.
• There is one more thing I can recommend. There are times when you feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may have just hurt you again, you don’t know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I’ve been able to get by these weak moments by writing down exactly what I’m feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don’t feel to call the person anymore. For everyone out there, keep strong and keep your head up, there are better days ahead.
• Tough one. If we know for a fact there is no hope for a mutual love, then why torture yourself. Move on. Treat it like a divorce. FORCE yourself to live and keep meeting people. You owe it to yourself to be available for when the right person does come along. Love is like a bus stop, there’s always going to be another opportunity for the bus to stop again — if we are ready for it at the bus stop. Sometimes we don’t ever think we could possibly find someone better than that one we are in love with that doesn’t return the love back, but that’s not true. We just won’t be ready to find it if we are pining for a love that is not healthy or returned. We owe it to ourselves to always know we deserve what’s best and healthy.
• We all have had heartaches that hurt bad and SUCK! A broken heart is never fun. Life goes on. We have to as well. We owe it to ourselves to know we simply go on. We will meet another person but we shouldn’t while we are hurting. We’ll often end up not being as clear headed. We want someone to love us and to feel wanted, but that’s a potential for another mess. Or, you could end up hurting someone they way you were hurt. When your heart is mended, you’ll know. Every single day we get just a tiny bit better. Ok, maybe not every day, but if we can just make it from one day to the next and keep doing it, pretty soon we will feel better, if only a little, but that’s a start to total healing.
• You accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically and do it for yourself no man. Once you do that, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as a beautiful women that has so much to offer the right man. But to be able to get over lost love you have to be able to forgive yourself, whether it was your fault or not for the break up. You also must make a conscious effort to get him out of your life. Keeping him as a friend will bring only more pain, this is from experience.
• Let him go, delete his name off your cell phone off your email, put the pictures away. It is your choice to be miserable about the situation, which for the first few months everyone chooses to be sad. I chose to be sad for over a year when the man I loved told me he no longer loved me. But you can also make the choice to be happy, but only you can do that. You have one life why sit there and waste it on a man who can’t see all facets of your beauty. You have one life to be happy, love yourself, forgive yourself and you will see that love will radiate and men will be attracted to that. Good men will be attracted to your positive self worth. And that positive self worth gets rid of all the baggage from past relationships that ruin current ones. But this is a choice, a conscious choice to leave the past and be happy and only you can make it. Know it wont be easy, but in the end you will have the love you have always desired.
  http://youtu.be/Nx1ykBc3XUQ